Another lesson with Max. This stunt bottom stuff is challenging, but educational and fun.

The photo is of the second lesson of the day. It has taken awhile to set up all the harnesses and “up lines” (the ones that run from the body up up up to a hard point of secure attachment somewhere above). I am already a little worn from the first lesson of the day, which was a partial suspension that had me first on tip-toes, then on one foot, then up, up, up and completely suspended.

But anyway. The second lesson.

One of the goals was to practice the “bridge” which is what you see there in the red ropes running upwards from my hip harness. See the three separate loops? These distribute the lift and allow the harness to be pulled upwards without collapsing all the wraps of the harness into just one row.

From the perspective inside the ropes, this is nice because the weight remains more evenly distributed, mitigating “hot spots” of pressure, which can be difficult to endure.

And from outside the ropes, the bridge helps keep things tidier, more beautiful. Some people don’t care so much about that, but I do.

The second goal of the lesson was to practice adjusting the up lines. This meant setting up the harnesses and up lines, and then raising me incrementally, bit by bit until I was well above the floor.

This was much more grueling than I’d anticipated. Granted, I was a little spent already, but as I write this I just realized the truly stressful element.

Every other suspension I have done involved a lift that made a rapid transition from my weight on the ground to my weight on the ropes. It might have been jarring or painful, but the shift happened pretty much all at once, and then I settled into the sensations.

But in this lesson the lift was slow. Each line was hoisted some, tied off, and then the next line was hoisted–until all four lines had been raised. Then the pattern was repeated, lifting me higher and higher above the ground.

This incremental hoisting caused my weight to be shifted repeatedly, bearing down in a new way with each lift. In retrospect I estimate there were a dozen or more separate hoists.

Each of these times I had to meet the sensations anew–at each of the four rope-points on my body–find my relationship to the rope, meet new pieces of pain.

And I think this need to repeatedly establish my relationship to the ropes is what ultimately made this session taxing.

Interesting.

Photo of me, by Max

I am so thrilled with what I learned this weekend. The whole weekend was packed with great experiences, and working with Max was one of them.

This photo is of the “homework” that I did this morning after meeting with Max and his student yesterday. I wasn’t sure that I had paid attention well enough to replicate what Max had demonstrated, but YES, I did.

I am excited that I was able to recreate this tie at home. For me it means that I have really learned some “building blocks” for simple bondage, that I don’t have to struggle with those, and can now just do certain things. You know, rather like driving, where in time you know enough about an automobile that you don’t have to concentrate on things like holding the steering wheel and touching the gas pedal, and instead can focus on getting to where you are going.

This is a big step for me.

Oh, I have a ton left to learn before I can even pretend to be proficient, but now it’s like I can actually see proficiency in my future.

And I am developing a greater awareness of nuances (and I am going to continue trying to catalog them).

This tie in the photograph Max had demonstrated on my wrists, but since I cannot practice on my wrists I built it around my ankles. And from this I learned a couple of things. It was nice to stand in this bondage with my feet apart rather than in a typical tied-close-together fashion. Being able to have a feet-apart stance eliminated the rather perilous, easily-off-balance position that comes when the ankles are bound close together.

And obviously this tie becomes a hobble–allowing the feet to “walk” slowly. But the interesting discovery was that while the tie is quite comfortable without movement, once I started hobbling across the floor, the cuffs worked back-and-forth on my skin, in a very rough and painful fashion–quite discouraging moving.

I love working with Max. He is very perceptive and can dial in on what his student needs, adjusting any lesson plan to fit the flow of the moment. It’s probably the extreme depth and degree of his experience that makes that happen. Whatever it is, it makes for a “classroom” where even I in my clumsy fashion can learn.

I swooped in and got my order placed in time for Midori/AIDS Lifecycle color-of-the-month. This stuff sold out in less than 14 minutes.

Fourteen minutes, people.

I have been thinking about what this “means” that there is such demand and such a following for Monk’s rope, that the entire stock of color-of-the-month would be spoken for in less than a quarter hour.

There’s all the obvious–the color is a great color; contributing to Midori’s fund-raising efforts; the high quality of Monk’s product. Oh, and this was ultra-premium “Bavarian Blonde” And there’s another obvious and interesting aspect–people love rope.

Of course it’s all relative to how much of the color-of-the-month was produced. I keep meaning to ask.

I do know that I purchased a total of 90 feet–one 50′ length that I intend specifically to use for a karada, and four 10′ pieces to use in all the flexible ways they can be used.

I should be receiving delivery any day now.

Taking stock of what rope I already have, in preparation for ordering more–because Twisted Monk’s color of the month goes on sale in just under 24 hours, and it is “a shocking bright PINK.” And how can I pass that up?

From Monk’s blog:

. . . this month’s color is a benefit color with the profits going to support Midori and the AIDS/Lifecycle.

This is our ultra premium 4-strand, “Bavarian Blonde” hemp rope, now dyed a shocking, bright pink.

This color will go on sale Saturday, Jan 23 at noon (pst) The color of the month always sells out fast, but the Midori colors always sell even faster, hence me giving you all lots and lots a warning.

Here’s his sample shot. See what I mean?

So, I am not sure how well this color will “go” with the colors I have, but whatev.

For one, Max has announced his curriculum/schedule for the coming months, and I am interested in each and every topic he is presenting in Seattle. In addition to Max’s usual monthly workshops at CSPC, he is offering a three-part series, Topping to the Next Level, co-taught with Russell. I have the schedule lined out below.

But first, returning to my on-going quest to explain, “why bondage?” here’s a snippet of my favorite rope supplier’s explanation.

“Rope is an extension of the body,” Monk said, . . . “When you’re in bondage, you’re literally wrapped up in another person’s desire. They’ve taken the time to encase you.”

from Tied Up in the Erotic Heritage Museum

I love that bit about wrapped in desire.

And here’s Max’s very full schedule. (We are so spoiled here in Seattle.)

Sunday February 7th
Partial Suspension Bondage

Sunday, February 20th, with Russell, Part 1 of 3
Techniques for Thoughtful Tops

Sunday, March 7th
Bondage from the Bottom’s Perspective

Sunday, March 13th, with Russell, Part 2 of 3
Hot Negotiation

Sunday April 4th
Bondage for Sex

Sunday, April 10th, with Russell, Part 3 of 3
How to Push

Saturday April 24th – Sunday 25th
Two Day Bondage Intensive in Seattle

Sunday May 2nd
When Things go Wrong – What to do and What to learn

(Max is also presenting in Atlanta, March 26 – March 28.)

It helps a lot (okay, it helps ENORMOUSLY) that my lab partner has a ton of climbing experience and so is well-versed with knots and ways to use them–he has been totally coaching me. Very cute, too, when I am working on him and he says, “Here, like this,” and takes the rope in his hands and turns it or knots it the way he wants.

Although I am still working on the very basics, it was fun to veer off on some ideas that I had–a certain line or look that I wanted to accomplish with the rope.

I am learning through trial and error, and that is good. I learn so much more when the rope is in my hands and I am doing things with it; it is very hard for me to really learn anything just by watching.

We watched some of the Jay Wiseman video, and frankly it was a little disappointing. Maybe it was the production quality–we were certainly distracted by the funkiness of the backdrops and the overdub. And maybe it was just that we were really done for the day–having already had a good dose of our own (creative) fun with our ropes.

Today I poked around some and played with some fun knots at Tying It All Together’s YouTube channel. There was a Celtic Heart knot–that I would like to work into a harness somehow–and a Thumb Cuff–which I think could be quite fun to play with, especially because I could sit so innocently idly fumbling with a bit of rope–like a lady mindlessly knitting–and then “presto”–a device of restraint.

I do not remember exactly the first time I was bound, but discounting those drugstore fuzzy handcuff kind of games, it was probably with a man I had known for twenty years. Our relationship had only recently made its shift from “friends” to “soon-to-be-lovers.” We were at his home, and he explained that his bedroom was such a catastrophe that he did not want me to see it, and therefore he wanted to blindfold me. Because he was a longtime friend, I had no “trust issues” and could surrender to the game.

A blindfold is an interesting form of bondage.

The loss or restraint of a sense, increases and/or alters the perceptions of all the other senses. When I really want to hear the music of a band, closing my eyes helps me concentrate my focus. When I cannot see the ground that I am walking on, I increase my attention to the sensations in my feet, and even attend more sincerely to the sounds and smells around me (that babbling brook noise will be something I want to track and avoid plunging into).

I happen to be a big believer in the transformative possibilities of truly sensing the world around us.

This new lover turned out to also have a fondness for tying my hands together–during sex, but at other times as well. And I found that I had a fondness for the surrender the restriction created.

I was well aware that this “surrender” was consensual and could be broken at any time. I was fine with that; it did not make the surrender any less powerful or important.

Surrender is an enormous component of bondage.

The surrender was compelling. It meant (means) dropping pretense. It means elevating trust. It means a heightened awareness that is accompanied by a decreased vigilance.

It is a fast track to bliss.

∞

Fast forward a couple of years, and I found myself in new circles and with a lover who would do more complicated rope bondage on me. In our earliest adventures, he bound me in a simple wrap that I have since learned is called a karada, and I wore it under my evening gown, just a bit of the white rope and knots peeking out above the neckline; there was an interesting sense of displaying a secret, publicly.

Another night, this man tied my hands and feet, in a fashion which prevented me from traveling anywhere of my own accord. I was in my own home and was by this point good friends with this lover, so I could surrender into a deep place of trust. But he took me even more deeply when he whispered one of the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me, “If there is an earthquake or a fire, I will carry you out of the building,” and he lifted me from the floor to demonstrate that he could do this.

I mean, I know his whisperings sound completely technical and like a real mood killer. But I was struck by the level of attention he was giving to me, and his overall respect for the risks I was taking.

∞

Fast forward, again, and I am with friends, and one friend-of-a-friend, who happened to be a professional dom visiting from Texas to see a client. And lucky for me, this man also was a talented rigger, there was setup for aerial equipment in the space, and he was more than happy to tie me up and take me flying.

This was my first time going beyond “household” bondage; I was now under the hands of someone whose talent went far beyond spinning a few hanks of nylon rope around my wrists and ankles (not that there is anything wrong with that!).

That night, I stood naked in the softly lit room, closing my eyes to take in as much as I could of the new sensations. I felt the fiber of the ropes slide across my skin, tickling just the tiniest amount, under the sharp coarseness of the hemp. I felt the tugging and tension as the body harnesses were built by wrapping the rope around my torso and my hips. I felt myself sink more and more deeply into my own self–a quiet, breathing, blood-flowing human being who was moving into uncharted realms.

And then, just after my rigger whispered a request that I confirm that I was a-okay, I heard, “I am taking you up now,” (to which I nodded), and then I was off the floor and in the air.

I was now in awe, and pain.

Flying is an interesting sensation. Imagine those goofy old-timey movies with angels suspended from a rope on stage, flying back and forth–that’s how I was moving. And it came with very much the sense of being one of those angels–quite ethereal.

But as I said, it came with distinct pain. In suspension bondage, the rope harnesses are what hold and distribute a body’s weight, which means that all my weight was compressed upon a few inches of thin hemp rope–my skin, my bones, my nerves, pushed down under all my weight onto the wraps of the harnesses.

It was not an unendurable pain, but it was bold and all present.

This pain, is a source of transformation and enlightenment.

Here’s the deal. When someone ties me up, the bondage is something that I have chosen to be inside. If it is painful, it is only pain to which I have consented. Now, this is simplifying somewhat, because as the rigging is built, there is communication about incidental pain and adjustments are made to eliminate or mitigate it. And as the ropes are applied and take possession of my body there are discomforts, rather like a pair of shoes which fit in a slightly out-of-sorts fashion.

But then a line is crossed, and pain becomes an accepted aspect of the process. This line might be the introduction of a tie that stretches the limbs, or it might be a knot that is placed in a very uncomfortable fashion. This line might be when a body is moved from supporting its own weight, to the moments when the weight is transferred to a harness.

And when the line is crossed, it is time to meet my pain.

There are few times when we humans really meet pain. We usually avoid pain, or take some drug to relieve it. We typically deem the presence of pain as an indicator of something being wrong.

Being in bondage gives me a chance to not run away from my pain. I guess this is like the advice we get about looking our fears in the face. And staying right here, right now with my pain, well that reminds me that I am greater than the pain.

And the interesting thing is, while the experience is of physical pain, the effect transmutes to emotional pain.

∞

Beings that I am girl who is currently walking around with a LOT of (emotional) pain, having a chance to be greater than my pain, is transformative. I glean a strength of spirit that comes with conquering the physical pain.

The combination of surrender and meeting my own pain, takes me into an interesting realm where I feel a deep, deep trust. Obviously, I am trusting the person who has tied me up, but I find I move into a more enormous place of more enormous trust. A place where I feel–even if only for the minutes that I am bound–that everything is perfect and just right with my world.

∞∞∞

Continued.

Photo: found bondage by Tom Hickmore and used under Creative Commons license.

The class was outstanding and astounding–as is Max, and his trusty assistants, Griffin and Lorelei. I was impressed with their high-caliber professionalism–a certain sedate, intelligent, and adept approach to conveying a lot of information, and helping all the students absorb and implement it.

No small feat, especially in my case–I am lousy at learning things by listening, watching makes it easier, but really, I need to do in order to learn. So the patient and capable tutelage as we practiced the knots and ties, made everything possible for me.

I have a lot to learn and will need to spend hours practicing, I can tell, and I will be attending more of Max’s workshops. But I am happy to have this foundation from which to start.

And here’s a funny little proof that I really learned something . . . Well, in the story I am currently writing I just now needed to tie a dog to a pole, and did it using one of the things that Max taught us–the taut line hitch.

The last of my rope will be delivered to me tomorrow at class. The pre-fab rope kits for class were not what I wanted. I wanted PINK but we couldn’t get that custom order concocted. So, I went with Statutory Grape, which as it turns out, matches my new boots. Anyway. The crew at Twisted Monk are really helping me out with my color whims, and I am very, very grateful.

Just purchased the last of my things from the list: four carabiners. Because it was close by, I stopped at Second Ascent in Ballard for these last bits. I went in with my little pages printed from Max’s list on the Web, but obviously I did not know much about what I was shopping for. And there were dozens to choose from hanging on the wall behind the counter. So the boys behind the counter were all helpful and making inquires to get me the correct carabiners for my adventures. “So, how are you going to use these?” the cute boy asked.

I took a moment to consider: how much do I disclose here? and then said, “Hang people.”

“Suspension bondage,” I finished up.

And he paused for a moment then said, “Oh. We get a lot of people in here shopping for that. But most of them don’t say that’s what they are doing.” And we proceeded to choose the gear I would need.

I promised to send them photos.

Rope by Twisted Monk. Photo by me.