Seven Of Eros

I had a great day learning.

Max had a new student for private lessons who needed a rope bottom to try things on during the lessons, and long story short, I ended up the lucky winner.

This was a perfect thing for me. I would never answer some random advertisement for someone looking to practice bondage. But because the whole thing was through Max–whom I trust completely–I had no important hesitations.

And what better way for me to learn more about bondage? I get to essentially “audit” the instruction, adding to my own repertoire during the lessons, but I also get to zone out a little here and there and just have a nice rope bottom experience. I mean it’s not like I really have to be paying attention to how to tie one knot or another … but if I do, I learn more.

But today what I learned most were some nuances about the experience of bondage that I hadn’t honed in on before.

This was in part because I was trying to give good feedback to Max’s fledging top–by verbalizing certain bits of my experience. For example, while Max was teaching his student a chest harness, student asked about wrapping the harness from behind versus wrapping it by walking around and around me.

And I tuned into the processes–they really are different. When my rope top stands behind me and wraps the harness strictly from that position, there’s some degree of “stranger danger” quality because I cannot see this person who is applying the ropes. But there is also a large amount of connection and intimacy, because of the closeness of our bodies, including the warmth of the top’s breath upon me.

But with a harness that is built by walking around me to make the wraps, there is a flow that emerges, and a soothing cadence that develops by virtue of the repetition of the top’s body (and hands) moving around, and around, and around, and around. In repetition there comes a predictability that humans find agreeable–because we know what to expect, a sense of safety emerges.

I will try and get back here tomorrow and write some more about the nuances I found, but this girl is tired and is off to bed now.

Okay. I confess. It has been much too long since I indulged myself with erotica–with the writing of it. So I am thrilled to have stumbled upon an “opportunity” to whet my pen–so to speak.

See, some fool man, some delicious, sexy fool man, has let me have his phone number. And in this modern world that means I can send him text messages.

And while this delicious fool man and I are not having sex (among other things, see previous whining post re: “not ready”), and in fact we barely know each other, and in fact we have occupied space in the same room for scant minutes … well, there’s a certain “spark” and it has inspired me. Okay, working the metaphor, it has ignited me.

So yesterday, while sitting in front of a client’s computer (billable hours, luv!) tapping my finger on the desk, waiting for some software thing to finish installation, I realized I could multi task :)

I started mentally composing hot little snippets to text to this hot man, and then tapping them into my phone:

. . . And I try to steal a kiss, but you continue to deny me. And being a man who deeply understands the art of tease and the joy of temptation, you give me the smallest bit of what I desire; you breathe against my cheek, and then whisper, “What do you want, hungry girl?”

And this small sample of you has your desired effect–my exhalation is audible, thick with my wanting you. I arch, and reach with my lips . . .

I am sooooo stoked to be writing like this again.

Photo: texting by dcvision and used with Creative Commons license.

I am not officially dating. In fact, I am officially not dating. That being said, I am trying to get back in touch with what dating is–here in the 21st century and all. One of these days, I will be dating, and–oh dear–I am not ready for this.

Gawd I sound like a fuddy duddy when I say that.

But here’s what happened. I think I accidentally had a date the other night. Accidentally, because I thought it was going to be an easy evening of dinner with an acquaintance I have known for several years, but haven’t gotten to know well yet. I’d anticipated we would spend some time sharing a meal and having some getting-to-know-each-other conversation. So even though I haven’t felt ready to start dating, I accepted his invitation to come over for dinner.

And then, not too long after we finished our meal, his cock got involved.

Oh yeah. I know, I know. With rare exception, any time you are dealing with a male there will be cock involved. And I actually quite enjoy that.

But what I do not enjoy is having to repeat myself, after once or twice expressing some version of, “Look, I love cock, but making yours happy tonight is not my responsibility, dear.”

You know, I just believe that that is a very fair position to take. But he continued to push–in those quietly ever-more-insistent ways. First a few fingers traced along my cheek. Then a few fingers traced along my skin at the hem of my skirt. Then a repositioning that reduces the physical gap between us on the couch. Then a kiss on the neck. Innocuous gestures.

But the essence of the gestures escalates, right. And the fingers along my skin become a hand, and the hand begins moving aside the hem of my dress, raising it up my leg. And then the hand slips to the soft inside of my thigh.

So I repeat my “No, thank you” non-verbally by shifting my entire body out from under the hand, because I meant what I said earlier in the evening, “I am not ready for sex.”

However, I am a thoughtful girl, and I do take delight in getting men all hot & bothered–but not leaving them completely high & dry. And I have grown to learn that masturbation–solo or mutual–can be a swell activity when folks are not–for whatever reason–willing and/or able to fuck. And I am not willing.

So, when it became obvious that my acquaintance was very keen on deepening our acquaintance, I schemed to evoke some fantasy material for him that he could indulge in after I went home. I mean, I was game for that, perhaps in part because I have a special interest right now in learning the more secret things that men like, in the belief that it will make me a better lover. So I started asking him about how he likes to masturbate–his technique and what he likes to think about while he is stroking himself.

And he started telling me.

All the while I am assuming that I had made it clear that I wasn’t going to stick around for the results, I was just going to help heat things up.

And this is where I feel lost about this dating stuff. When did it become the expectation that I would even be interested in sexually “pleasing” a man on our first date? And when did it become common practice to have sex anywhere near the “first date”? (And yes, this wasn’t supposed to be a “date” but the evening had taken on those kind of attributes.)

So I will jump ahead now past all the details and get to the part of the evening where he is half naked and we are in the bedroom. And I will assure you that I was still fully dressed (okay, my shoes were off). And I will confirm that there was no fucking there that night.

But I will confess that I failed. I failed to remember that where there is a man involved there is a cock involved, and that cocks–well, cocks are deaf, really. After all these years, how could I forget that?

I am frustrated with myself for forgetting all that. And I am pissed off that for three hours I had to keep asserting my boundaries.

I am grateful however, for the ultimately gentle reminder of how this stuff tends to go. Because I will start dating again someday, and I would like it to involve fun, and fucking. When I feel ready.

Photo: fingers of a climber by Roger Karlsson

I did it!

I swooped in and got my order placed in time for Midori/AIDS Lifecycle color-of-the-month. This stuff sold out in less than 14 minutes.

Fourteen minutes, people.

I have been thinking about what this “means” that there is such demand and such a following for Monk’s rope, that the entire stock of color-of-the-month would be spoken for in less than a quarter hour.

There’s all the obvious–the color is a great color; contributing to Midori’s fund-raising efforts; the high quality of Monk’s product. Oh, and this was ultra-premium “Bavarian Blonde” And there’s another obvious and interesting aspect–people love rope.

Of course it’s all relative to how much of the color-of-the-month was produced. I keep meaning to ask.

I do know that I purchased a total of 90 feet–one 50′ length that I intend specifically to use for a karada, and four 10′ pieces to use in all the flexible ways they can be used.

I should be receiving delivery any day now.

Taking stock of what rope I already have, in preparation for ordering more–because Twisted Monk’s color of the month goes on sale in just under 24 hours, and it is “a shocking bright PINK.” And how can I pass that up?

From Monk’s blog:

. . . this month’s color is a benefit color with the profits going to support Midori and the AIDS/Lifecycle.

This is our ultra premium 4-strand, “Bavarian Blonde” hemp rope, now dyed a shocking, bright pink.

This color will go on sale Saturday, Jan 23 at noon (pst) The color of the month always sells out fast, but the Midori colors always sell even faster, hence me giving you all lots and lots a warning.

Here’s his sample shot. See what I mean?

So, I am not sure how well this color will “go” with the colors I have, but whatev.

Because I can’t seem to think of much else these days, I am going to write some more about rope. Well, rope and bondage.

For one, Max has announced his curriculum/schedule for the coming months, and I am interested in each and every topic he is presenting in Seattle. In addition to Max’s usual monthly workshops at CSPC, he is offering a three-part series, Topping to the Next Level, co-taught with Russell. I have the schedule lined out below.

But first, returning to my on-going quest to explain, “why bondage?” here’s a snippet of my favorite rope supplier’s explanation.

“Rope is an extension of the body,” Monk said, . . . “When you’re in bondage, you’re literally wrapped up in another person’s desire. They’ve taken the time to encase you.”

from Tied Up in the Erotic Heritage Museum

I love that bit about wrapped in desire.

And here’s Max’s very full schedule. (We are so spoiled here in Seattle.)

Sunday February 7th
Partial Suspension Bondage

Sunday, February 20th, with Russell, Part 1 of 3
Techniques for Thoughtful Tops

Sunday, March 7th
Bondage from the Bottom’s Perspective

Sunday, March 13th, with Russell, Part 2 of 3
Hot Negotiation

Sunday April 4th
Bondage for Sex

Sunday, April 10th, with Russell, Part 3 of 3
How to Push

Saturday April 24th – Sunday 25th
Two Day Bondage Intensive in Seattle

Sunday May 2nd
When Things go Wrong – What to do and What to learn

(Max is also presenting in Atlanta, March 26 – March 28.)

I want this bottle. The Acid, Boric, Cryst. one. But it is $50.00 and I just don’t know about dropping that sum on something that I want rather than need.

But I have an argument all prepared, to justify the purchase.

See, I actually use boric acid. It’s something that multiple health care practitioners have prescribed as a way to help keep my vaginal flora and fauna properly balanced. I fill little gelatin capsules with boric acid powder and do the suppository thing. And it works, like nothing else has–in spite of the fact that boric acid is also used to kill rodents. That part does disturb me.

But I have trouble remembering to use the boric acid treatment, so my rationalization for purchasing this swell–but pricey–antique pharmacy bottle is that I could set it on my night stand and it would make my capsules more obvious, and this would help me take care of myself. Maybe that makes it a tax-deducible purchase?

In completely unrelated news, I am thinking about taking this workshop at Babeland in a couple of weeks.

Midori: The Art of Feminine Dominance, Level 1

Sunday, January 31, 07:30PM, $35

Elegance, power and confidence…learn an effective style of dominance that is authentic to you. Using her own special technique, Midori will help you to find your power femme archetype, allowing you to pursue erotic fulfillment and sensual power play. She will discuss psychology, politics, practical exercises, techniques, fashion and more. Something for everyone from the novice to the experienced.(7:30-9:30pm)

Contact Store for More Information

Why? Why is this crossing my mind–training in dominance? I am not altogether sure. I like Midori. I like the terminology “power femme archetype.” And I seem to be encountering many men who want to be dominated a little. So, for $35.00, why not see what a professional has to say about it?

Someone asked me last night if I might return to being polyamorous. We were talking just generally, getting to know each other and I was trying to explain my relationship “status” which is that there is a divorce in my near future.

I am not sure why he was asking really, maybe just getting his bearings. But my answer was, “Maybe.” A wary and uncommitted, “Maybe.”

And as I told him, I left the poly world in good part because I was tired of never being a primary.

This morning I came upon a post by Cunning Minx which elaborates on this better than I was able to last night. I am posting it in full here, because I can’t find a direct link to her post. She begins by referencing a post by Mollena:

The Perverted Negress » Less is More. »

From Mollena’s post:

I’ve been around a while, and I am not a shrinking violet when it comes to hopping around the country chilling with my Leather and Kinky and Sex Positive and Freaky Peeps. And due to this, many assume I play all the time, everywhere.

This is not the case.

I don’t have people banging down my door. This is just the fact. Why? Lots of reasons I suppose. But since I’m in a bit of a gutwrenching funk, I’ll focus on the one thing I can think about without it becoming a festival of self-deprecation.

This morning, on Twitter (which is often my source for thoughtful mental snacks) @sexisfuncoochie asked me to expand on “thoughts re: poly & single people prioritization.” And that was in response to my previous Tweet where I said “when everyone’s poly, single girls don’t get prioritized.”

AMEN, sister! Thanks for ranting for me, so I don’t have to. Personally, I’m really sick of not being a priority for anyone but myself. I’m sick of not being welcomed into homes and lives because the primary partner “isn’t ready yet.” I’m sick of never getting to scene because the other partners always come first.

But mostly, I’m really sick and tired of other poly folks not understanding what it’s like. When they drop jaws and say, “YOU, Minx, you can’t get a scene/partner/date?”

No, I can’t. Because you’re busy. Because your partner needs you. Because I always come last in the scheduling.

And I’m with Mollena—I’m not saying that’s wrong; of course you should consider your primary’s feelings, and of course you should be taking care of her first. I’m just asking that you put yourself in a single gal’s shoes for five minutes.

How do you think it makes us feel when, time after time, we have to meet at my place, not yours, because your partner isn’t comfortable yet? Any idea what it feels like to not be welcomed into the home of a person you’re dating, over and over again? Any idea what it feels like to know that the second that the couple hits a bump, you’re out on your ass? Any idea what it feels like, as a submissive, to get up the courage to ask for a scene, and then be blown off because you forgot you had to scene with your partner first? And to have scenes not happen/be blown off over and over again, multiple times at the same event? (I once set up five—count them, FIVE scenes at an event. Every. Single. Person. Bailed.)

And then, the cherry on top, to have people come up and say, “Oh, I’d love to scene with you sometime.” Or “I can’t imagine anyone blowing you off.” I know it’s supposed to be a compliment, but it does get very tiring to have years of compliments—and zero play.

So thanks, Mollena, for doing the rant for me. I hate being this frakkin’ negative, but the truth must out. Being a single submissive in a poly world sucks!

And thank you Minx, for compiling a great rant for me.

You know I have been rambling on about this bondage thing, and why. Today I came upon the Bindings Project, which takes a video approach to exploring the whys and what-fors of bondage. Enjoy.

Finally!! got in some practice with the ropes. Spent a few hours yesterday with a new friend in his sky-high apartment, riffing on the things that Max taught me. Photos of a couple of sweet results are forthcoming (they’re in my friend’s iPhone so I have to wait until he mails them to me).

It helps a lot (okay, it helps ENORMOUSLY) that my lab partner has a ton of climbing experience and so is well-versed with knots and ways to use them–he has been totally coaching me. Very cute, too, when I am working on him and he says, “Here, like this,” and takes the rope in his hands and turns it or knots it the way he wants.

Although I am still working on the very basics, it was fun to veer off on some ideas that I had–a certain line or look that I wanted to accomplish with the rope.

I am learning through trial and error, and that is good. I learn so much more when the rope is in my hands and I am doing things with it; it is very hard for me to really learn anything just by watching.

We watched some of the Jay Wiseman video, and frankly it was a little disappointing. Maybe it was the production quality–we were certainly distracted by the funkiness of the backdrops and the overdub. And maybe it was just that we were really done for the day–having already had a good dose of our own (creative) fun with our ropes.

Today I poked around some and played with some fun knots at Tying It All Together’s YouTube channel. There was a Celtic Heart knot–that I would like to work into a harness somehow–and a Thumb Cuff–which I think could be quite fun to play with, especially because I could sit so innocently idly fumbling with a bit of rope–like a lady mindlessly knitting–and then “presto”–a device of restraint.